Divisions in Me

Divided. Still. What is this? Why is this? The more I gaze on the truth of me being both flesh and spirit, the more I realize and recognize my division. I’m so tired of the fight. I’m so tired of persevering. It seems like I’m thrown into one trial, then given a brief time of reprieve. Only to be thrown right back into the lion’s den of my life and mind, where I’m tasked for another tough road. I can’t express to you the amount of times I’ve wept and told God, ‘I just want to go home.’ Nothing rings more true when my flesh and spirit war. When I have to look at the gravity of the situation in which I caused and which I will walk away from. I wish I was less complex. I wish I was more singular, driven in one direction. I wish my mind was less loud. To be honest, I simply wish I was better. Why did He make me the way that I am? Why can’t I just be better? As you can see, I wrestle with myself, my mind, and my thoughts. Welcome to the real life of the Christ follower.... Even after years of walking with Christ, and I do mean years, ever since I heard the gospel at 9 years old. I still struggle today. But here’s the good news... It’s okay, because He uses us and loves us in the midst of our division. He still likes us even when we aren’t doing it right or are tripping hard. He chooses us despite our unworthiness and our character flaws. So if you’re like me and you waver in your walk with God, remember these truths and repeat the line below... The divisions in me are not greater than He in me.